My pray this year,
(T_T) can’t hold my tears anymore when
I’m on my way to typing this…
I’m really hope… I can kiss my little
mat. (???) Eh… doshite?
Weird request, do you think I am?
It’s not weird for me… Since I use to
pray on chair almost for 9 years already… I tell u guys, it’s TRULY! I can’t
kiss my little mat… (sob)
Each time I bower my head to my little
mat when I make a sujud while my little voice whisper subhanarabbiyal aala
wabihamdih for 3 times, my stares are always into Kaa’bah illustration on my little
mat but i….. as expected, I can’t kiss it yet. Since my position on chair… not
on the floor. Each time I stares on it, I feel my tears not only running down
on my cheek but also in my heart.
But I know who I am,
I’m just the weak person who only can
pray and accept everything that Allah SWT create for me. Alhamdulillah, that’s
all I can say… but I never regret of it. Never. Near of 10 years already I
fight with my disease and sometimes when I didn’t realize I show my pale condition
in front of my family, just my mom who can read my face how sick I am “Are you okay?” she ask. “Im Ok. Nothing to be worried.” Then
she ask me again try to find the real answer. “But
why…” I cut she off “I just feel dizzy. I am ok, really. Just leave me. I just need
a little rest. I’ll be okay.” Idk why I feel so tired
although I didn’t make any heavy job since my mom forbidden to working outside
perhaps of my bad condition, okay, maybe around 2012 he let me go because I
want it. I want to be independent. It takes 2 weeks for her to deal with my
request. I use to be working in Japanese Factory, Toko Electronic Sarawak and
it only take 6 month then I’m quite. All friends, my Line monitor, they all are
nicely toward me and some of them worry about me. My roommates also listened to
my conversation when I’m talking with my mom on phone. My mom always make a
call 3 times a day and my roommates say “we all
worried about you and your mom, she maybe a little bit worry than us. It’s your
mom, and that’s it, she worry over you. Try to understand her feelings once, I
bet you’ve never be apart with your mom this far, isn’t it? Think about that…
she just love you… and we too.”
After a couple of week, I take my
decision to quite but im happy working at there. When I saw my mom, I don’t
know why. I feel so happy when I tightly hug her back. My friend is true, I
feel sick when my mom is not around n how I miss my mom so much. When I see her
again, I know just become close like this and watch my mom face every day in my
life. It’s feel better than before. I realize something… my mom really love me
and really care about myself. I know why she didn’t make any objection for my
decision to working outside. Actually, she trust me more than myself because
she once say on my phone “I know you are strong girl
inside although how many people view you as a weak girl. See, u now working in
Japanese factory since u always to say I want to working in Japan. Although
it’s not a real Japanese country, but you meet Japanese person. ” but now, I’ve already quite. My mom happy anyway, me too,
because I want to make my mom happy, that’s all. I’ve never regret that I’m
quite because working in that factory are the great experience that I’ve ever
work. My mom said this too “Although it just 6 month, you
are really change as better person. Thanks to your friend then, they must
taking care of you, I hope one day I can meet them. u know, u really become
independent girl right now. Good girl!”
That’s the end about my struggle
experience after near of 10 years I fight with my disease. Then, I use to
always remember a God, give my simple smile to everyone I meet in a single day
of my life, sometimes took a pray when I feel very bad lonely… and Now, I think
my health getting more better than before. I’m always practice myself to sits
on the floor and now I can keep my balance position to sit as well. My mom
happy for that and lately she ask me,
“What do you want for Ramadhan this year?”
Before I tell you guys what my answer
to my mom, firstly, try to imagine of my mom reaction when she hear I’m answer
she back,
“I want to kiss my mat..”
She slowly get rid her face from me
and I just smile with tears, she just showing her back and I know she was
crying inside, just doesn’t want to show her tears on me. I start feeling
guilty, it’s my fault because told her about these kind of things. Really… I
feel really guilty T_T but I can’t do anything, that’s only the answer for her
question, right?
Tapi K tak boleh biarkan air mata ibu
mengalir macam tu je kan? Pasti berbaloi air mata ibu kalau ia benar-benar
tejadi. K tak kisah jika Tuhan jadikan ciuman tu ciuman terakhir K pada bulan
Ramadhan tahun ini, yang penting K gembira bagitau kat ibu, K dah sembuh dan
berjaya cium sejadah. Harap kawan-kawan doakan K ya, Aminn…
For the last time before I end my
typing…
Yuzurenaiyo (Never give up), believe
your God, always smile, make your mom happy and just accept everything with
smile and care because everything were happen have a secretly big reason behind
of it.
Images credit :
pinterest.com/siheem.wordpress.com
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